VITAL STATISTICS
Dreamer: Helen
Date: Jan. 6, 2000
Title: Astronomical Calzones
I wandered over to the Education Dept. of the Schenectady Museum because, for some reason, I knew I was supposed to. Only Karen T. was there when I showed up, but the whole place was in an uproar because John S., the Museum's planetarium director, was going to be hosting a conference down in NYC for a bunch of important planetarium people.
Karen was running around, photocopying like a madperson. John arrived shortly thereafter. Out of all the work that had to be done, John was obsessing over what to serve the conference attendees for lunch, which, he had just learned, was the Museum's responsibility. Cathy E., the director of the Education Dept., poked her head in to offer some suggestions, namely burritos or tacos. But John wanted to impress them and he had already made his decision, whereupon he produced a dozen, unbaked calzones and a couple of 3-ring binders. I was press-ganged in helping by putting the calzones into the binders.
Cathy suggested that maybe they should be microwaved first, but after some discussion everybody agreed that microwaving raw dough never produces good results. Because John wanted the calzones inserted into the binders by the filling edge, I couldn't fit the calzones in the three-hole paper punch at all, and I had to line each calzone up to the rings and puncture it three times with a pencil.
So I'm jabbing the calzones with a pencil, and tomato sauce and bits of broccoli and onion and cheese are dripping everywhere, I'm tearing the dough, the calzones are gumming up the binders, and you can only put three into one binder maximum; it was a mess. I went to complain to John, and to suggest that maybe we should bake them, but he vetoed that, saying that if we baked them now, the calzones would be cold by the time he got to NYC. At this point the news came on the radio, and John became completely worked up over the lead story, that O.J. Simpson had just been hired by Taco Bell to do their commercials. He completely ignored me and my binders of sagging, goopy calzones.
I returned to Karen's desk to poke holes into one or two more calzones before I decided, 'This is stupid'. I called my friend George and we drove out to visit these two young women in Albany, military personnel that he had met on the bus, who were offering kittens for adoption. When we arrived they were lounging around the house wearing nothing but skimpy lingerie and were preparing some Hamburger Helper. It turned out they were a lesbian couple, which caught George by surprise but seemed fairly obvious once you met them in their house clad in nothing but lacy bras and satin panties.
They showed us four kittens who were fuzzy and tiny and perfectly adorable. I couldn't decide which one to adopt so I figured I should consult with Gene. We drove back to Troy to go fetch him, but - here's the weird part - I was the one driving Gene's grey Honda.
Back to the Invincible Muffin Main Page
